What's An In-Person Domme Session Actually Like?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: What's up bitches? I am so fucking excited to be going on tour at the end of this month. I'll be in LA on July 31 and on my west coast tour for two weeks. Check out my website, thyquendom.com for more info. Click apply. There's an apply bar at the top if you are interested. And in honor of my upcoming tour, in today's episode, I'm going to be answering one of my most frequently asked questions. Questions, which is, what is an in person session? What does it look like? Where does it take place? What happens? What goes into planning it and leading up to it? Who should do an in person session? All of those things. If you've been wondering what it looks like to be in a dungeon or in some space with a dominatrix, this is the episode for you and I hope you enjoy. I am so excited to see so many of you at the end of this month and hopefully I'll hear from from some new bitches at the end of this episode. Enjoy, guys. [00:01:08] Speaker B: Dreams can come from nightmares too. The queendom will take over you. Dreams can come from nightmares too. The queendom will take over you. [00:01:25] Speaker A: Welcome back to thy queendom. Come. I am your host, Queen Lo, and today I am talking about something so exciting, one of my most frequently asked questions, which is, what goes on in an in person session? What happens in a session? I love working online. Working and transitioning. My. Pretty much my entire business online has changed my life. It's transformed it. It allows so much freedom. I live in the tropics with my man. I work when I want to, how I want to, and I also have access to people all over the world that I would normally never have access to. It's a beautiful thing, being able to work online and do it in such an effective way. However, in person sessions, meeting my clients face to face, being there with them, that will always be the lifeblood of what I do. It's how I started out, and I can genuinely tell when I've been a couple of months and I haven't had that in person session, when I haven't had that. That rendezvous, they're always so different. Every single one of them is different. It's like eating fucking sushi. Like, sushi is one of my favorite things to go out and get because every restaurant you go to, it doesn't matter if they're all making the same shit, it's all different. And that's how I see a lot of that's how I see my sessions. Even repeat sessions with the same exact client are different. They are different every time. They grow on each other. They're exciting. I learned they're so charged. There's so much like, adrenaline involved in them. They inspire me. And one of the amazing things about my in person sessions these days is that I don't have to do them. I am so fortunate and I've also worked my ass off to be in this place where in person sessions are not a necessity for me. I will not do an in person session with just anyone. I have a process. I work with clients that I want to work with. My application process, it takes time. It takes a little effort and it costs a little money. The subs I want to work with are the ones who are going through my application process, who are going through my screening process, who aren't fucking complaining about it. That immediately shows me that they are somebody I might want to work with. The fastest way to get a fucking rejection or to not even have a response, my email is to come at me with a bunch of stupid fucking questions. There is such a thing as a stupid question. And complaining about prices, complaining about this. You don't want to send your id. I really don't give a fuck. If you don't want to do that, then go away. Like, then fuck right off. However, I have a process. It costs a little money. Not that much, but enough to. Enough to the point of if you want to do something, you're going to put a little energy and resources towards it. Also, before, when I was just doing in person sessions of different types years ago, I was not online. And so I would meet my clients and I would talk with them briefly, maybe on the phone, and then we would meet before our session. And that's kind of where we would go over safe words and a lot of the logistics before we would enter into the space. However, what I found with working with so many of my subs online is that it just enriches the in person experience tenfold. Because not only are we getting to know each other virtually, we are playing a little bit. You're getting to know me, I'm getting to know you. You're coming to trust me. You know my style. You're not going in blind. You know what you're, what you're walking into. And also I know you. I know by at this point, what you like, what you don't like, what you want to accept, explore what you struggle with, what you want to expand on. So the two together are honestly my golden recipe. But as far as in person sessions. One of my biggest fucking questions, especially since I have a tour coming up at the end of this month. One of the questions I get asked the most is what does it look like? What does that in person session look like? How is it different from having this virtual experience to actually meeting you in the flesh? Meeting me in the flesh? Well, first of all, every session, like I said, is so unique. I'm not a restaurant. I don't have a menu of services that I offer. Some things that work for certain subs absolutely will not work for others. I am comfortable doing some things with. With one sub that I absolutely would not even put on the table for another because it's all contextual and it's very. It's personalized, it's custom. So I have an application process. I want to hear first and foremost, what your hard limits are, what your soft limits are, what you've experienced before, what your health limitations are. That's fucking important. If you are meeting up with a dom and she's not asking you if you have any health conditions that she needs to be aware of, you should be fucking concerned, because that. That's important. I need to know if my sub has fucking high blood pressure, right? Or back issues. I need to know this. A broken wrist, a healing body part. I need to fucking know this. Things that you want to explore, things you haven't, things you have. I do a required video call after that application process, seeing as you get through it. And the sessions themselves, they vary from the location. I have some subs who I meet in dungeons, and it's so much fun. I had a couple months ago, a CBT sub, cock and ball torture where there was literally no pegging involved. Not even really any ass play involved other than a little vibrator on his taint. But he was bound up. He had clothes pins on his cock. He was getting whipped. I brought an assistant with me. She was laughing at him. It was humiliation. I made him do fucking jumping jacks with clothespins on his cock. It was fantastic. But for some subs, a hotel, a luxury hotel is actually better for the vibe. I had a sub a couple months ago who had always had a fantasy of being pegged while he looked out over the Las Vegas Strip and we made that fucking happen. I also had my original sub, my oldest sub. I saw him a couple months ago and we were in a hotel room and we actually had. We've done a lot of group dom sessions where it's me and another dom. And then there was another sex worker there. She is like a switch. So for this particular meeting, she played a submissive, and the role play was that they were a couple and they have been captured by us, the doms, and they had to do whatever the fuck we wanted them to do in order to get off and to get free and all that shit. It was hilarious. It was so much fun. The hotel was destroyed in the end, but you can see how the different scenarios, the different situations, different contacts call for different locations. Sometimes we need a spank bench and a ton of different tools. And sometimes we need a fucking bed that has a cage underneath it. You're not going to get that at the fucking Marriott, right? Like, so. However, for some, especially, like, sneaky sluts. Like, sluts who want to be sneaky and feel like they're kind of doing something a little bit bad for some reason, getting that hotel room is, like, really hot. Getting that hotel room and having to get on your knees and give me all your cash, as if you've been, like, kind of manipulate it up into your room kind of thing. It's fucking hot. So where are sessions? It varies. Dungeons, hotels. I try to keep my nonsense out of the public. I know this is, like, a hot, hot topic. Will I meet a sub at an ATM for him to hand over cash? Absolutely. A cash meet, 100%. Will I even let him kiss my feet in the parking lot? Totally. However, I probably won't be walking a sub through, like, a public park where there are children, just because, in my personal opinion, everybody else can't consent to that. Though I think that people are a little sensitive these days. And, like, some things should be like, whatever, it's fine. We're all just having fun, but for the most part, right? Sex parties, lifestyle parties, lifestyle events. Those are also great places to practice, like, public humiliation sessions. So, yeah. What does it look like inside of those sessions? Again, it varies. A lot of my subs end up getting locked up. They have their dicks in cages within a few minutes of the session starting. Are they a foot bitch? Are they a chastity slave? Are they a worshiper? Are they a come eater? Do they like humiliation? Are they into pain? Pegging, anal training? At what level is each sub at? Right? Like, I have so many subs who come in here and they're like, I want to be pegged by, like, all your dildos. I want to be fucking gang bang mommy. Like, let's go. And I'm like, have you ever had a thumb up your ass? No. And it's like, obviously, if we went into a session, and I brought my giant ten inch vibrating cock and I was like, I'm gonna peg you now. Your fucking asshole would be ripped in nethers and you would be traumatized and never wanted again. So it obviously depends on each person, right? And where they're at. Somebody who wants to be like, aggressively gang banged and pegged in a session who has never had a thumb up their ass might start with a little like, cute baby cock and it's still fucking hot, right? Like, not only are the kinks adjusted for each sub, but so is the levels of extremity, right? Like, I have a session with one of my subs soon and I'm actually going to be using the estim, the electric stimulator. Like, I am going to be shocking the shit out of his balls. Like, I'm going to be electrocuting them. That's not something that every CBT slut enjoys. In fact, I've had a session with this slut before and we didn't go there progressing, right? It's always different. It always evolves. I also have. I ended up adding a trip to the sex shop as an add on feature for what I offer because so many of my subs wanted to come into this session and learn how to use a certain toy or multiple toys, and then they wanted to take them with them and use them themselves. However, I would love to know how many of you listening to this have actually been into a sex shop because so many fucking people, so many of my subs have never been in a sex shop. They are so scared of it. They think that when they go in there that the entire world is revolving around them and that everybody is looking at them and watching them and knows exactly what they're doing. And like, that might be true. Like, everyone there might know that you're a little bitch about to take some dick. However, it doesn't fucking matter. Do you know what they see, how much they see of it on a daily basis? Like, get over yourself. So like that with my virtual sessions, I have so much fun sending my bitches to the sex shop. Obviously you can get things most like these days online. However, most bitches need to actually take that step and walk into a sex shop and take responsibility and be empowered and choosing what it is that they want to play with and use to provide themselves pleasure with. It should be something that's exciting. So even just physically stepping into the store is such a huge thing for so many people. For that reason, I started offering that and I fucking love it. I love going to a sex shop with my sub. Before we go back to the hotel room or to the dungeon, whatever we meet, we pick out some outfits. My little sissy subs, my subs that want to dress up, getting them some outfits, maybe even some matching outfits. That's some of my favorite shit ever. Like, coordinating. Not like we're the same. Like you're the fucking mouse and I'm the cat kind of thing, you know, like, kind of. They work together, so we go shopping together. We can go shopping together. And it's so fucking hot and it's fun and it's kind of cheeky. Cause, like, we're out and, you know, we're buying all these things and that same, like, egotistical, like, the world revolves around me. Thing that's going on in your head is still going in that moment. It's just. It's just a little, you know, it's buffered with the fact that I'm standing there next to you and you're maybe wondering, like, do they know that she's using these on me? Do they think there for her? Like, I don't know. Because it doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't fucking matter. It's so much fun to go shopping. We go back to the fucking hotel room. We get to do an unpacking. That's something that I love doing. Something that I've been doing recently, more often is bringing a friend. Now, this is different than bringing another professional dominatrix. I love working with my fellow doms. It is some of the most fun I've ever, ever had. I love volleying my slut back and forth between someone who is just as experienced or even more so, and being able to play off of each other like, it's just. Oh, God, it's a dream. However, it's also fun. What I've realized recently is bringing just a friend who is down with me and fucks with me and fucks with what I do and has their own, like, sparkling personality, but is not a professional in this space. So, for example, a couple months ago, the CBT slut I was telling you about, we put. I had, like, 32 clothespins on his cock. And I brought my dear friend Emily, who has sex ed with Em. I have a couple episodes with her. She's a sex coach. She's amazing. And I wanted to bring her to just, you know, we have an episode about it. Like, I obviously, I wanted to bring her. And specifically because this sub, he loves humiliation. Obviously. He has clothespins on his stick, but, like, he loves the shock factor. Like, he. The humiliation runs deep, being laughed at. And I just knew that bringing another dom, someone who's seen all this before, that could be fun. But bringing someone who has not, who's not seen this before and who's going to give their authentic reaction about the clothes pin on his cock and the. The wax that I'm pouring on his back and the nipple clamps and the fucking jumping jacks and push ups. And I made him fucking come on himself upside down, whacking his, like, little tiny dick onto his face. And it was horrifying for Em. And we both stood there over him and laughed. And that's what I knew that he needed, you know? Like, em was just like, what is going on? At one point, she was like, are you fine? Like, she was so. She just couldn't believe herself. And it was fucking hilarious, like, for him to be in this position on, like, a St. Andrew's crosse, having this beautiful woman just, like, laugh at him for this moment of, like, this is where we're at. I told him the other day, I was like, your inner child is literally like, what the fuck, bro? What the fuck are you doing to us? But actually, we have another session planned here during this tour, and my other good friend, one of my best girls, Maddie, who, if you are an OG queendom listener, you will know Maddy. We did the famous shroomy episode together a couple years ago, and she is a badass bitch. She's hilarious. She's brutal as fuck. Like, literally, before I was ever a dom, I feel like I learned things from her because of the way that she's just. She's. Oh, God, she's just brutal, man. Like, and I. I'm taking her to our next session. So where I love em was so nurturing. She's about to fucking just laugh in his face and stomp on him, probably harder. And it's gonna be so much fucking fun, right? So that can be added into a session. This element of. I had another call with a sub last night that I'm gonna be meeting on tour as well. The idea of being walked around the dungeon, not just in our room, but the full dungeon, the idea of walking around the dungeon on a leash and collar with his own cum on his face while I video him and send money to myself from his phone, that is what we were fantasizing and talking about. And he's so excited about. That's what we were talking about just yesterday, by the way. Obviously, this is very extreme. And also, contrary to what many people might believe of a dominatrix that I am going into these sessions saying, I want to fucking electrocute you and horrify you and humiliate you in front of all of these other doms that you don't know. Absolutely not. No. They bring this to me. They want these things. My slut wants to try being shocked in the balls, and he comes to me. They come to me for a way to fulfill these fantasies in a safe, protected way. I often uncover fantasies and desires that. That my subs don't even know they have until we're, like, talking about them. It's my job to facilitate those in a safe way and in a way that everyone feels that the boundaries are being respected, everyone is trusting. At the end of the day, something I love that my subs say to me is that when I do whatever I want, quote unquote to them, whatever I'm doing to them, at the end of the day, they know that I care about them, they know that I give a fuck about them and their well being and their mental health. I do not want to actually rupture your fucking testy. As much as I talk about ball busting, I will cause a perfect amount of pain on that pleasure pain spectrum. And some subs can handle a lot and some cannot, some can handle less. That's important to know. And it's my job to facilitate that. And it's your job to basically make that choice to trust. Make that choice to not only to go into the space with, but that when you go there, you're going to hand over that trust. You're going to surrender. That's why communication and doing this with someone who knows what a, the fuck they're doing, and b, that you have a solid foundation of a relationship with is so fucking important. I take protecting my subs so fucking seriously. One of the questions that most gets asked right after the question of what does the session look like? Is, all right, how can. How can I make sure that I'm safe? How can I feel protected? And some of that comes down to safe words. I have a safe word, the world famous one, the most known one, because I feel like no one can forget it. It's fucking pineapple. Pineapple is a safe word. It is an all stop what we're doing, redirect, have a conversation, course correct, and then enter back in. It's not the end of the session, it's not the end of the world. It's just a, we're going to stop and course correct, or, this is hurting too much. There's a. There's a green, yellow, red light system that I love to use, especially with CBT sessions and pegging sessions. I have some subs who love to be whiny little bitches. And I love it. I love when they can say no and complain and whine and. And bitch and all of this. But I know. I know that they know the safe word. I know that they know the red light, yellow light, green light system. And I also have a hand motion. I actually, I had one that was like a blinking light kind of motion. But I actually, in my interview with Carmella Clutch recently, she was talking about the scissors motion and I was like, that's fucking perfect. That's great, actually. So I've been using that ever since. A scissor motion. In case you're gagged, in case you can't speak or feel like you can't. A fucking scissor motion. There also is just a level of being in tune with, as a dom, being in tune with my sub and being as a sub, being in tune with your dom. Some of my most intense sessions words, safe words. And the light system really is never actually needed because we're so fucking in tune. I can tell by the look in your eyes if you're wanting more, if you want to slow down. But ultimately, at the end of the day, I'm never going to rely just on that. I'm going to trust my subs to use their voice and to say either slow down or to say more or to say stop. And part of that is one of the most empowering things about BDsm and about this space and about working with a professional is being able to go in there and be free. Because there are boundaries. I already know that you, for example, if I know that you don't like pegging, whatever can happen in this session, I'm never going to peg you. I'm never going to threaten peg you. If that is a hard limit, I'm never going to cross that. So regardless, we can be free. We can do whatever the fuck. And you can complain and I can say this, but we know that boundary and I'm going to respect that. Just like when I send out my PDF after. After I receive an application, I send out a PDF that has details about my sessions and I describe that they're absolutely under no circumstances pussy play. I don't do pussy play. And I also. I initiate all physical touch. If I were to go into a session and a sub was very handsy with me, or if I were to do face smothering where I'm literally sitting on their face, which I do a lot, but it's not sitting on his face and grinding and getting myself off. Absolutely not. I'm fucking smothering their faces. However I choose to do that is up to me. Whether or not I have a fucking ten inch, ten inch appendage fucking strapped on is up to me. However, if a slut so much as tried to wiggle their tongue through my panties or tried to touch me in an inappropriate way, a boundary would be so fucking crossed, I would get up and I would walk the fuck out. Which is why it's so important that you fucking bitches pay up front. As soon as I walk into the door with an understanding that you're going to respect boundaries, you're going to respect the rules, and that we get to be free in that, you know, my subs can talk about how much they wish they could see my pussy. They can talk about how much they wish they could taste my pussy. That's great. Like, you can wish all you want, you know, that's part of it. It's kind of hot that you will actually never have my pussy and that it is unattainable and that can actually go in to the game. The second you try to slip your slimy fingers or your disgusting tongue towards my pussy, it's an equivalent of you saying pineapple and me continuing to whip the shit out of you. The trust has been broken. The boundaries have been crossed. That's why they're so fucking important. That's why it's important for you to know mine and for you to know me, for you to trust me and also for me to know yours. And everybody's is so, so, so different. On that note, something that is super hot, something that's super hot is being filmed. A lot of people love being filmed. They love being filmed while they get used. It's sexy. It's fucking hot. That doesn't necessarily mean that they want me to use that video for content, that they want me to sell it. I take that type of stuff really fucking seriously as well. I've had sessions where we've filmed it and then right afterwards we delete it, or I send it to my sub for your own personal records and I get rid of it. And then I have some subs who absolutely love the idea of being filmed and used in the sense that I am going to go take that video and put it on my website and I'm going to sell it. Other subs are going to be jealous of you. And they love the fact that I can now make money off of that video after filming with them. It's fucking hot. There are so many safety precautions. There's, you know, we have ski mask, we have fucking gimp mask. I cover up fucking, I cover up tattoos and body markings all the time. That's another thing on my application process. Do you consent to being filmed or not? Are there body markings that we need to cover up so that I can know how we're going to do that effectively? Some people initially agree to being filmed because they think it's hot and then they get there in the space and it's a lot, especially if it's your first time, it's a lot and they decide they don't want to be filmed, that's okay too. The reason filming is hot but is because you're being watched. There's this exposure aspect. You're being used, quote unquote. And if it's going to put you more into subspace, if it's going to put my client more into subspace then that's great. If it's going to remove them from subspace, if it's going to make them anxious about where is this video going? How is it going to be used? What's going to happen? If it's going to take you out of that space then it's obviously not worth doing. It's the same thing as if me having another dom there or another, another friend or is pain going to take you out? Right? Like anything that is going to take you out of that subspace and make it harder for you to really surrender and really be there and be present, we don't want that. And again, that's why being a sub coming in and surrendering and letting go and giving away power, as much as that is all completely true. Truly being a subdivide is so fucking empowering because there's so much choice. You're actually taking control. Whereas so many people are out there giving into their urges with no intentionality, with no thought. They suppress shit, they deny shit, they are guilty about it and then they binge, they go on a bender, they go do whatever and then it's cycle, repeat. They feel like shit. Shame, guilt, deny, binge, fucking repeat. And a lot of people ironically think that coming into a dungeon or working with a dom is this idea of I've lost control, I've lost control and I'm giving away control. Like fuck me, I've lost it when actually you're fucking taking control. Not only are you paying for a service, you're putting resources towards a service. But at any time you can say stop. At any time you can beg for more. You can use your voice in what you like. You can use your voice in what you don't like, what you want, more of what you don't want. You guys, sadly, I know you would like to think you are, but you're all not that fucking different. You're all really similar. So sorry. Like, you are a snowflake, but like, not that much. You know what I'm saying? Like, bless. I can usually tell within a few fucking messages exactly what type of slut you are. And everyone has their nuances. Everything is unique, hundred percent. But the chance that I'm going to know things about you that you don't know about yourself yet is so fucking high because I work with hundreds of you bitches and I know usually this leads to that and this leads to that. These things don't go together. And it typically works across the fucking board for you to be able to explore those things objectively, for you to be able to go into a space that's almost like a private coaching, a private guidance session. We receive private coaching and mentoring in every area of our life except for sex and except for sexuality. Especially if your sexuality is not in line with the traditional narrative, especially if your desires don't fit what you are going to find in a fucking marriage, family counseling session or book. Where the fuck do you go for that? Where do you get guided on that? The only thing that exists now, the wider narrative now, is for you just to suppress that shit and that it's bad and that it's shameful and that you just shouldn't do anything with it, which I'm here to tell you is not only just so incorrect and wrong and stupid and ignorant, but it also just doesn't work. Like, it just doesn't work. Going to a safe place, finding a person that you trust and being able to explore these things and then on top of that, articulate them. Who would have thought that articulating what we want would be one of the hardest parts? And it truly, truly is. A lot of people know what they want. They know what they want and they just have no idea how to talk about it, where to talk about it, in what way, how to bring it up. And they're not confident in it. They're not confident in not only what they want, they feel shame about it. They're guilty over it, hate themselves for it. They sure shit don't know how to talk about it. They don't know how to talk about it with our partner or potential partners. So one of the great things that my subs get to do before our session, long before, is literally articulate what it is they desire, what they're thinking about. I don't have this secret fantasy to go electrocute some bitches balls. This is something that he wants to try, and he wants to try it in a safe way, and he's communicating that to me, and that's extreme. But I had a sub in northern California this last month who. It was his first session in person, ever, and he was interested in feet. He really wanted to worship my feet. And he also. He had never done any anal before, and it was a soft limit. And essentially what that means is that it's not a hard limit. It's not an absolute. No, it's just not a. I'm going to get here and peg the shit out of you and stick every butt plug that I have up your ass. So, obviously, before the session, after I received that application, we talked about that, and we talked about how he was open to beginning to play with anal, to learning, to experiencing something small, to warming up to it. And we had an amazing session. It was so much fun. And we used a very small, little metal butt plug, and he fucking loved it. And we were constantly checking in with each other throughout the session. I was checking in on him. Not only his breathing, the look on his face, verbal check ins, all of that, in a fucking sexy and fun way. But I knew going into it where he was at, and he got to. He got to experience it for the first time, and he loved it. And it was so much fun. And part of, honestly, part of ass play is being able to fucking relax. You cannot get fucked in the ass and do much with it if you are stressed out, tense, nervous. If he was potentially maybe thinking, if we had not had that conversation, had we not talked about it, he might worry like, oh, shit, she's putting a butt plug in me. What's next? Is she gonna try to fuck me? Is she gonna try to do it hard? Is she gonna try to put a bigger one? And it could immediately, just like that, take him out of that space. But because we had that conversation, because we laid down those guidelines, he was able to relax into it and actually enjoy it and surrender and experience something that he really wanted to. And that's fucking empowering. Again, as a sub, like, being truly being submissive is an empowered choice. That's why BDSM is so fucking hot. So many of us have horrific stories of being non consensually dominated, of someone dominating us and choosing to take control over us. It was not our choice. We didn't say yes. We may not have said no, but we definitely didn't say yes. Maybe we did say no. Like, so many of us have these horrific experiences of our choice being taken away. And power, true power, is not taken. It's given. My subs give me power. They choose to give me that. I don't take it from them. And so many people, so many of us have experience of that power being taken from us. It wasn't an empowered choice. And so that's why this can actually be so fucking beautiful and healing and light such a fire under your ass. Because not only does it feel good and it's sexual and it's intimate and it's close, but it really can. It can really get down to the core of us. Like, it can get down to some really real core human fucking things. The ability to say no, the ability to say, pineapple, if something is hurting, the ability to say, you want more of something, you're getting pegged and fuck, you actually like this. You didn't know that you would, but you do. And to say yes more, I like this and I want more of it. That's fucking empowering. And that follows you out of the dungeon. You don't just have a fucking oglow because you have the best orgasm of your life, but also you have this zest, this fucking thrill, this pep in your fucking step, this ability to say yes and no, what feels good, what feels good and what doesn't feel good, not only the ability to identify that, but then to fucking articulate it and go out in the world and use those skills. It's not just the sexual skills, not just how to fuck your ass that you're learning and that you're experiencing in these sessions, so much more holistic than that. Now, when I tell you, when I tell you that this is a space for you to express your desires and say yes and say no and pursue what you want, be empowered in that. That is all true. But what this is not, this is not an opportunity to top from the bottom. So that's another element of this, right? Yes. You're going to express to me who you are, what you desire, what you don't desire before the session starts. Long before used to, it would be at the bar, before I would go into the dungeon or the hotel room with my sub. Now it's long before we even meet that first time, it's on the call. We're having those conversations because then once we step into that space, you are agreeing to surrender. Now you're letting go. And it's fucking hot if you think about it. It's so empowering, it's so cool. If you think of like, you have this opportunity to share what you desire, what you don't, what you want, and then you're trusting me or any dom, you're trusting this person to then guide you, to then take that information and fill in the pieces and guide you in this space, in that gameplay. Once we walk in that room like the rolls are on, what you're not doing is sitting there throughout a session saying, I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this. A lot of doms say, I'm not a kink dispensing machine. I'm not just going to sit here and one trick pony for your ass during the session. That is not expressing desire. That is not giving up control, that is not surrendering. That is not letting go. There is such a delicate balance of expression and also trust and surrender. And like I said, coloring within the lines. We're free to color when we know those boundaries. I know what they are and you know that I know that. And I'm going to go in there and I'm going to fucking guide you, and there's going to be all these pieces and spots and moments in the middle that are completely surprising and shocking to you and completely new to you, but they're going to feel safe because they're all within the bounds. And I think that's an important note. It's something important, I know, for subs to realize that, like, yes, I want to hear about you, learn about, you know, what you want to, but this is not going to be just another example of a man telling me what to do when that's clearly not what the fuck we're in this space for, when that's clearly not what we're in this fucking space for. This is kind of a side note. Maybe we'll do a further episode on it because it's so interesting. These guys who like, say they want to submit and they'll be like, make me do this, make me do this, make me do this. Which I've never had an in person session with a sub like this because of my fucking processes. My processes I've never had. But online, of course, these subs come through all the time and they get fucking blocked and they get fucking shooed away. Like, make me do this, make me do this, make me do this. Like, you telling me what to make you do is not being submissive. It feels like you're actually trying to get rid of the responsibility. Like, make me suck a dick. You want me to make you suck a dick so you don't actually have to be responsible and say that you actually want to suck a dick, if that makes sense. Right? And it also tells me that they go out into their life and they think that submission is something that is forced, that is made. It's not, it's not given. That's why I tell my sluts all the time, I want you to be eager. I want you to be willing to serve. Like, I'm not going to fucking force you, make you when I don't even know who the fuck you are. And we've laid down absolutely no fucking ground rules or boundaries. So, yeah, don't talk from the bottom. Also, it's great to express your desires similarly, some common fears, obviously, the fear of driving up and getting out of your car and walking up to me the first time, that's a fear all in and of itself. It's nerve wracking. However, it. It's not a reason to not do a fucking session. If you look back and you say, I'm just nervous to actually meet this person, and I'm nervous, like, how I'm gonna react, am I gonna fucking sweat? Am I gonna, like, my knees gonna give out? Like, I'm not, you know, I don't know how to interact. That's just not a fucking reason to not go forward. Like, then you're really just being a bitch. Like, what a beautiful opportunity to actually overcome some fears, to actually, like, go through with something that's exciting. And I always tell my subs, like, that, nervous energy and excited energy, they are the same. If you weren't nervous about it, it wouldn't be a big deal, right? Like, if you're totally comfortable, it's not exciting enough. It's not. Is it even fucking worth it if you're not truly feeling something? Like you're about to go on the, like, the world's scariest fucking roller coaster? Like, that you just stood in line all day for, like, it has to be worth something. You know, you want to feel something, you don't want to feel fucking nothing. But this is also why part of my process includes the video call. Because not only does it make me feel safer meeting your ass, but it also helps you feel safer, like, you know who you're meeting you know, the sound of my voice. We've had a couple coherent conversations, and hopefully that helps you feel a little bit better walking up. Also the fact that I'm a fucking professional, which is so funny to say, but I literally have to because when in this role, obviously there's a sexual nature to it, of course, it's intimate, it's personal, it's close, it's sexual. And a lot of people, some people have a hard time believing that we can have such an intimate experience that is somewhat, you know, sexual. That is sexual. And it still be professional, and it's still not ooze into the personal, private lives of either of us. Not only have I had subs who are genuinely concerned after, you know, that after we meet and after we have this session, this experience, that they are going to have these feelings for me that they cannot resist, and it's going to be unhealthy for them. I've also had a lesser number, but it's always very funny. The ones who do have this thought that actually believe that once I meet them, that once I meet them, I don't know, like, fucking half pump while I've got my, like, strap on in their ass or whether choking or. I don't know at what point, but they are genuinely like, you know, you're gonna fall in love with me. And I can just assure everyone that that's not gonna fucking happen. You know, this is a professional environment. Again. Like, you go to a piano teacher to learn piano, you go to a business coach to fucking improve your business. You go to a therapist to deal with the shit in your head. I don't want to see my therapist at Walmart. Like, my fucking therapist is. I consider her, like, literally, is she, like, one of my best friends? To me? Yeah. Am I her best friend? Fuck no. Like, absolutely not. And I understand the parameters that our relationship exists in, and that's healthy for me because, you know why? Because that way it can remain objective. If all of a sudden my therapist and I were like, Bestie's going back and forth, she's no longer an objective person in my life, giving me objective perspective. She's now in the fucking bubble that I am trying to gain perspective on. That is exactly the way that it is with my subs. Not only am I not interested in any of you motherfuckers, I am a happily partnered woman. I love my life. I love my partner. I love all of that. But also I believe highly and deeply in this idea that I am this objective space in your life. I am this third space. This third space that is not your work, that is not your. Your personal, that is not your friend. This space that you can come to and kind of reflect on all of that the same way that I do when I go to my therapist. She is my third space. I provide a third space for my subs when it comes to their sexuality and who they are and desire and passion. And it simply would be fucked. It would not achieve its objective if I were to ever allow coloring outside of those lines. A. I'm a fucking businesswoman. And just because my business is sexy and fun does not mean I don't operate it like any other fucking business. But also, it would totally shit on the objective that I have and what I am passionate about doing here. I am passionate about giving you the tools and giving you the resources and the experiences to go out there and actually better your life. To take some of these things into your own relationship, into your own experiences, and to actually become more fulfilled when you are outside of the dungeon. It's hot talk and it's fun for doms on online. And it's some of the role play of I'm going to take over your life and I'm going to ruin your life. I'm going to get you so addicted. Some of it is just role play. There are some amazing doms out there. I use some of that role play. It's a game. Fun. Unfortunately, like, there are people out there, just like in any other industry, who are praying and profiting off of vulnerable people. If you go into this space and you are worried about becoming addicted, which is another thing people are concerned about when it comes to doing sessions online or in person, I'm going to become addicted. If you go to somebody and give your money to somebody and pay someone who is actively profiting off of your addictive cycle, of course that's what you're going to feel afterwards. Of course you're going to feel shame. Of course you're going to feel guilt. That's not what I do. I know so many other doms. That's also not what they do. Because at the end of the day, that really goes against the core of what the space is supposed to be. First of all, on a very practical level, like, you're no good for me in a businesswoman sense, you're no good for me if you're addicted, ruined, broke, all of those things. It's no good for me to send you down an addictive cycle to make you feel like shit, to blow your life up. To ruin your fucking life? What good would that do me? But even further, I didn't get in this. I never got into sex, sexuality, talking about these things for any other reason than I truly believe that intimacy and. And sexuality and passion and pleasure could literally heal the fucking world. I truly believe that that is the fucking battle that I'll fight. That's the hill that I'll die on. I believe pleasure. And actually being confident in oneself and knowing who they are and being able to experience that and being able to feel good and knowing that feeling good is not a sin and it's not shameful, and it's not something you should feel guilty about. I think that that could radically change the fucking world, and that's literally what the world needs. And so it serves no one for me to destroy you, deplete you, kick you when you're down, and then send you out in the world to interact with your coworkers, your employees, your kids, your wife, your family. That does nothing for the world and it does nothing for me. It gives me so much joy and so much happiness and fuels my fucking fire. When subs come to me after sessions and they say that I didn't feel shame, I felt excited, I felt invigorated. I felt like I had a fire under my ass. I'm starting to connect with people who are more aligned with what I actually want. I had this conversation with my friend. I had this conversation with my partner. And you can literally see, and not to be super fucking dramatic, but I will. You can see the actual generational change happening. When fathers are coming and talking to me about shit that makes them act nasty, that makes them act out of these cycles. They have this shame, they have this guilt, they have this, like, this trauma. They have this desire that's unmet, that isn't even spoken about, that they feel shit about. To be able to actually identify it, engage with it, and work through it has an effect on every single person around him. And I know I probably say something to that extent in every single episode, but it's so fucking true. I am here to better your life outside of the dungeon, not make it worse. Take what you learn, what you experience, and the zest it gives you, and fucking apply it to your life and soar like an eagle, my bitches. But I also have subs who are legitimately concerned that once they have one session, whether it be in person or online, honestly, but especially in person, once they have one session, they're going to be addicted to sessions. They're going to want sessions all the time. And this is so similar to people who get addicted to these online platforms, addicted to anything. It's just easier to pick up your phone and it's less expensive. And what I tell a lot of my online subs is exactly what I tell my in person subs. And a lot of them, especially the ones who have been doing this for a long time, they've got this down. I see them a couple times a year, and the session is something that they look forward to. They plan for it, they travel for it, they book a room, they make it a thing. It's an exciting experience that they get to look forward to for months. They get to dream about it, fantasize about it, we get to talk about it, we get to bounce ideas. And then we have this experience together that not only you carved the time out for the resources, out energy, you made arrangements ahead of time. It was intentional, it took effort, and it was something that you planned to do. And then afterwards you get to feel good about that. You get to leave and reap the benefits of actually being intentional beforehand. It's very different than going to Vegas for a weekend and getting fucked up and then deciding, oh, I want to see a dom, and then drunkenly getting on your phone and getting the first person and spending a ton of money on a super low quality experience and then feeling super shit about it the next day. You should feel shit like you probably spent a lot of money and didn't get back a lot of fucking value. But when you know that you're putting money and time and resources into something that you've thought about, that's planned, that you are actually going to receive something out of, and you plan it the way you would a vacation, the way you would a massage, the way you would any type of thing that is important to you. And of course, I believe pleasure is important. I believe that self discovery and exploration is important. But like anything, it can become toxic. Anything can become toxic if it's not consumed intentionally and consciously, not mindlessly. When you're intoxicated, when you are desperate, when you are in a super bad place, those are not the times to go on and binge shit, to go on and plan things, of course you're going to feel shit about that outcome. What did you put into it other than nothing? Put intentionality and effort and your mind into something and actually, like your desires are there. Like your desires are crying out one way or another, whether regardless of how you execute and how you deal with them and how you engage with those desires, they're existing. They are there. So now it's just, what do you do with them? I have definitely noticed a lot of my subs who truly implement this along with other things. There's a lot of tools, but when they stop looking at this a as something negative, as something shameful, that's the first thing, right? It's just seeing your existence here and your presence here as something bad, as sinful, as something that is you should you feel guilty over. It's gross, it's wrong, whatever. Once we can work through that and you can actually see this as something that can be beneficial in your life, that can be really awesome, that can be fruitful, even that can help you and something that you deserve, then you can start to plan for it like that. And it's a direct antidote to that shame cycle that you would be on in instead, which again is that deny, deny, deny, repress, represse, represse. And then it consumes your mind and then it's bench, bench, bench, bench. And then it's shame and it just fucking repeats until infinity. And it grows too. It festers. That can be shifted. Like that same sickular shit that happens. Like you can actually shift that cycle to work for you instead of against you. So that covers the basics. What type of sessions do I offer? How long are they? Well, I really have two different types of sessions. A custom session is where I fly out to you. They are typically three and a half to 4 hours long. However, they can be as long as we want. Again, it is custom. Obviously it's gonna fucking cost you, but it's usually several hours long. A typical full session. When people ask me, what's a full session? I would say three to 4 hours. But I do. When I'm on tour, which I am going on tour at the end of this month on the west coast, I offer hourly sessions at a set hourly price. And also I just have a lot more flexibility. Last time or a few tours ago, I had a sub bring me a shit ton of weed and kiss my feet cashmere. Shorter mini sessions, things like that. But a full session, like I said, three and a half to 4 hours, I feel like you get the entire experience. However, I don't need. I don't need much time to do a lot with you bitches. So if this is something that you are interested in, or if you want to talk more about it, reach out to me via my website, thyquendom.com. if you are 100% gung ho on it and want to be a part of my west coast tour coming up. Go ahead and apply on my website. Some days are already booked. There are still some availabilities, but you definitely need to get on it fucking fast. And with that, please, as always, I love to hear from you. Give me your thoughts and I will see you bitches next week. [00:54:16] Speaker B: What you waiting for? She's got what you need? While you over there at the door? Nightmares are dreams? You just need me leave? The queen has all that you should need? Just say the queen become that will be done? Come right in, close the door? Just wait for what she's got in store? [00:54:44] Speaker A: Come right in, close the door? [00:54:46] Speaker B: Just what you got? Dreams can come from nightmares too? The queendom will take over you? Dreams can come from nightmares too? The queendom will take over you? [00:55:00] Speaker A: Go and get a lover thy queendom come is a production of TQ, LLC. Music by Guillermo Jamaat junior and LDk. All stories and audio used with permission. Names and details have been changed to protect the sluts involved. Yo, bitches. I I get. Oh, that was so ridiculous. Yo, bitches. Still every time it's so bad. I can't make that sound like not ridiculous. Heads. Yo, bitches. Fuck me. Okay, hold on. I'm going to do it. I like the yo, bitches. All right, maybe yo, bitches. Isn't it.